Top Ten Alcohol Warnings

Surgeon General, take heed of these new possible warnings for alcohol:

  • 10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
  • 9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back.
  • 8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
  • 7.WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
  • 6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
  • 5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees, and lower back.
  • 4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
  • 3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
  • 2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
  • 1. WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcahol may Maak you tink you can tipe real gode.

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If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
     —David Daye