Beer Holster Review
A long, long time ago, Dave over at Beer Outlaw sent me a beer holster for review. Due to being antisocial, lazy, and forgetful, it sat around unused until last weekend when I finally broke it out for a wine tasting. Yes, a wine tasting. Unbeknownst to its creator, a leather holster that screams “badass beer drinker” was worn to a party featuring sparkling wines and Rieslings. (Don’t worry, we grabbed a can of Guinness first.) Even scarier, 90% of the people in that room were young doctors specializing in psychiatric medicine. I can only imagine what was going through the drunken minds of what could only be the world’s harshest critics. Thankfully, the scene wasn’t anything like the show Frasier, and the beer holster passed the review with flying colors. Then again, I’m missing the inner dialogue and whispering among the Niles and Frasiers of the party. (By the way, it really was more party than tasting, but did grow from what was originally a monthly tasting with notes and talk of whatever it is amateur wine drinkers talk about.)
Not truly knowing anything about leatherwork or handicrafts, I evaluated the beer holster on these criteria: functionality, looks, and coolness. Functionality should be the obvious one. Looks covers the overall appearance of the holster and quality of the craftsmanship, and coolness covers the reactions of other parties to the holster. Some people may think the last criterion is rather shallow, but hey, who would wear this for functionality alone? Certainly, not her:
Functionality
There really isn’t more to say here other than the fact that the holster serves its ultimate purpose: holding a beer. Both cans and bottles stay secure, and the holster leaves both your hands free to shovel chips in your mouth or to make out with that hot girl in the corner (more on that under “Coolness”). If anything, it allows you to circle a room, shaking hands and bumping beer bellies without worrying about that cold, wet beer in your hand. Less cool devices like buffet plates and wine clips have been devised before, so there’s an obvious market here. In fact, some people purposely carry their drinks in their left hands to leave their right hands free for shaking (seriously, go ask Wharton MBA students). This contraption frees you from having to worry about all that, so you can give that best first impression.
I did find a few drawbacks, though. First, that leather tie at the bottom was too short for my monstrous, muscular thigh. (Hey, it’s not fat!) It did just barely fit around, but I couldn’t properly tie it. In fact, I ended up just letting the tie hang loose. This didn’t seem to cause any problems, though. The holster’s just a bit less secure.
Second, you can’t really fit other things in there. I tried wine glasses, champagne glasses, pint glasses, etc. They don’t really work. You’ll have to stick to cans and bottles. Then again, you wouldn’t seriously consider wearing this to a cocktail party, would you?
And most importantly, you can’t fit a forty in the holster. What’s up with that?
Looks
Dave allows you to customize your holster in many, many ways. You have your choice of color, rivets, style, and engraving. Additionally, he added a skull and crossbones to mine that goes over the leather tie. Heck, you could buy five of them all in different variations to go with every possible outfit.
The entire construction is well done and should last through thousands of beers. The holster’s made of thick, durable leather, and I have no worries of a beer falling out and smashing on the floor.
To be clear though, the holster’s obviously handmade. You won’t get factory-cut leather and perfectly aligned rivets here. Also, I can still see indentations from where the stencils were placed against the leather to do the engraving. To me though, all this speaks of time and effort. There’s a story behind this holster rather than an assembly line. Besides, if someone’s close enough to see this kind of detail, they’re probably more interested in what’s left of the holster rather than the holster itself.
On something of a sidenote, you may want to stick to something short for the engraving. Dave engraved “Days that end in Y” on mine, but it’s difficult to see due to it wrapping around. Something like this simple “bitch” may be better.
Coolness
Now that you’ve waded through all the above verbiage, you’ve gotten to the crux of this review: the holster’s coolness. And admittedly, I find answering this question difficult, so I’ll instead try to explore this subject with a series of hypotheticals. Besides, this seems fitting after hanging out with a bunch of psychiatrists.
- Person A: hot female party animal. Go buy one from Dave now. You’ll likely prefer the pink one. Strap it to those tight, form-fitting jeans or, even more daringly, your thong. You will be surrounded by men (and women) eager to know you better, and you have the perfect conversation piece that also signals your eagerness to party.
- Person B: any other female. You should do the same as person A. Seriously, this is a great conversation starter. How many times have you been stuck in some uncomfortable situation after a guy said something like, “Is your daddy a thief? I think he stole the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes.” Eliminate those horrible pickup lines with something more down-to-earth like, “That’s really cool. Where did you get that holster?”
- Person C: male. I think this is where it gets a bit murkier. It really depends on your personality and style. Honestly, I don’t think I’m cut out for it (which is why I pawned off the modeling duties on my female friends). Let’s put it this way, the holster’s a great thing for kicking around with your friends or maybe at your regular watering hole. However, don’t try to pick up women while wearing it, especially if you’re not in a Western-themed bar. (This scenario has not yet been tested.) While the holster will leave both your hands free for flirtatious wandering, you might not get to that point in the first place. This is more like a fourth-date accoutrement.
Ultimately, you’ll have to decide if this beer holster is right for you. However, I think the holster will always make the perfect gift for your favorite beer drinker. It’s a seriously great conversation piece (you will not be able to escape talking about it), and it really does serve its dual purpose of holding a beer and complementing your style.
Go order yours now from BeerOutlaw.com. Prices start at $23.99.
October 16th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
You should get a holster with an engraved “DTEIY”. The text will fit more nicely, plus it’s cool viral marketing in the form of a conversation starter: “Wow, cool holster! Wait, what does it say…? What is dee tee eee eye why?”