Days That End in Y

My immediate reaction when seeing The Metropolitan Martini Company was, “Neat! That’s a really cool product idea.” The martinis come stacked two each in clear cylindrical cases, and the store displays are massive compared to other products. The color of the non-vodka martinis really catches your eye, and I immediately wondered about whether or not I should try it. As a result, I was happy to receive some samples recently, so I sat down with a friend one morning and started drinking. In my defense, she was working nightshifts at the time and my schedule was completely out of whack, so there’s no need to call AA just yet. Besides, she’s a psychiatrist specializing in substance abuse, so I’m either in good hands or am a case study.

Anyway, I’ll first present the overall verdict: it’s not a bad product but needs work. Right now, it’s one of those things that you buy once just to try it out. It’s like going to the movies to see the big summer blockbuster. You might be willing to shell out the ten bucks for a ticket, but you probably won’t want to do it over and over again.

What draws me to Mystique Brands’ unique product is, well, the uniqueness of the product. Store shelves are quickly becoming lined with all sorts of premixed drink products, so how does a company differentiate its product from others? Mystique has taken an unique approach by dressing up the premixed drinks in individual martini glasses and then overwhelming you with a towering store display. There’s a certain chicness to the product compared to all the boring bottles, and the product can simply be described as “cool”. Basically, it’s a neat idea, which I’m sure will be pursued by other companies if this one finds success.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure it will. It’s a good idea, but the implementation is flawed. After the awe with the packaging, little annoyances cropped up one after another to make the overall experience of drinking the martinis rather disappointing. There was no one detail in particular that ruined the experience. Instead, it was just a bunch of minor flaws that all added up into one giant flaw. First, it started with the fridge—the damn packaging doesn’t fit. Overall, the plastic container is taller than a 2-liter. Now, I’m pretty anal, so the top shelf in the fridge is set such that a 2-liter or a re-corked standard bottle of wine can fit perfectly. However, the two martinis stacked on top of one another doesn’t freaking fit! I ended up opening up the packaging and lining up the martinis next to one another. Strike one.

Strike two results from the plastic glasses themselves. Personally, I think the idea of plastic martini glasses is great. Unfortunately, this particular implementation is off, and it’s mostly due to the thick lip, which is half a centimeter thick. Most martini glasses measure maybe 1 or 2mm at most in thickness, but this one is more than twice that size. Why? Is the structural integrity of a disposable glass so important as to sacrifice the quality of drinking out of it? Before you know it, you have vodka martini dribbling out of your mouth, because of the thickness of the glass. It’s a little thing, but it’s definitely annoying. To compound this problem, there’s plenty of adhesive left over on the lip from peeling off the top. That’s just gross. The last thing I want to consume or taste is a bunch of glue. I attempted to pour the martini into an actual martini glass, but that just became a wet mess and defeated the purpose of having a plastic martini glass in the first place.

The other problem relating to the packaging is the plastic cap. For whatever reason, this isn’t shown in any of their marketing materials, but it’s pictured here. Now, the inclusion of this cap is a great idea! Martinis are often a bit more than I truly want to drink in one sitting, so it’s pretty neat that I can reseal it and stuff it in the fridge. Unfortunately, the seal isn’t tight. After downing one martini, I filled the glass back up with water, put on the cap, and turned the glass upside-down. That resulted in yet another wet mess. You can forget about putting this back in the fridge, unless you don’t mind cleaning up spilled vodka.

The next problem is the taste. I tried three different varieties: vodka martini, apple martini, and chocolate martini. The vodka martini was pretty decent, and if you try Metropolitan Martini, then definitely go for the vodka martini. It’s not the best tasting martini ever, but it’s certainly not the worst. The martini isn’t too vermouthy, and I found that a lemon twist really livened it up. The apple martini was a bit worse than the vodka martini, but still tasted equivalent to an appletini ordered from most establishments. It was a bit strong on the candy apple taste and reminded me a bit too much of a Jolly Rancher, but it was still a fair rendition, though not recommended as strongly as the vodka martini. Then, there was the chocolate. That was a disaster. It tastes like cheap diluted cocoa powder washed down with bad vodka, and I ended up dumping it after the first couple sips. I can’t say anything about the Cosmopolitan, as I didn’t receive a sample of it, but I do want to say that Cosmos shouldn’t be bright red. They should really just have a tinge of cranberry juice in it, so that they’re more of a pink color. In sum, go for the vodka martini and if absolutely desired, the apple martini.

Since this isn’t baseball, there are still more strikes. Number four: it’s too expensive. Blanchards here in Boston sells a two-pack for $10.99. $10.99!!! (Mystique’s own press release says $11.99-$13.99.) I’m trying to understand why I wouldn’t just buy a fifth of vodka instead for just a few bucks more. If I’m not in a cocktail mood, then I can buy half a case of beer or a bottle of wine instead. The packaging (after the above experience) just isn’t enough value added for me to justify spending that much. In fact, why wouldn’t I just head to a bar and buy a martini there instead? The Metropolitan Martini is also not actually all that much alcohol. The apple and chocolate martinis clock in at 20% ABV, and the vodka martini is a heftier 30% ABV. Apple Puckers is 30 proof. With an one-to-one ratio of Apple Puckers to 80 proof vodka, the appletini should really clock in at 27.5% ABV. A martini with a kiss of vermouth should be just a bit shy of 40% ABV. Basically, these drinks are watered down. I would’ve been happier with a smaller martini glass with a higher ABV, though given the general public’s dislike of the taste of alcohol, perhaps Mystique made a smart product decision here. I’m not sure.

One last “problem” is the lack of garnishes. Now, I feel like I’m just nitpicking, but it would be true value added if the martinis included a little plastic pack with olives, cocktail onion, toothpicks, and lemon twists. For the faux martinis, an apple slice or a truffle would be a nice touch. If McDonald’s can include a little package of croutons, then I don’t see why Mystique can’t include a little package of olives. It would really liven up the drink and would make this a complete package. As I stated before, I found that a lemon twist really livened up the vodka martini, but it’s a real pain to have to cut my own twists. If I’m so lazy that I won’t even mix my own martini, then there’s no way that I’m going to pull out a knife and a whole lemon.

In the end, I’m not even sure if these criticisms really add up to much though, as it really depends on Mystique’s target market. If they’re trying to sell to discriminating cocktail enthusiasts, then they’ll surely fail, but that doesn’t seem like all that lucrative a market anyway! But then, I’m confused as to whom exactly they’re aiming this product. The packaging and the marketing tells me they want to sell to younger adults who view themselves as hip and attractive, but my own qualitative assessment of this demographic is that they (we) wouldn’t buy this product anyway. This is the crowd that would rather go out and pay for a $10 martini at a nightclub rather than stay in and sip a martini out of a premixed glass. Besides, can you imagine pulling this out for a date? Which is sexier: a man who makes a martini with a cocktail shaker or a man who pulls a label off a plastic cup?

What I can see as a perfect market for this is one that simply does not and cannot exist: carryout and takeout. This would be absolutely awesome if I could pick up a couple martinis to go at the same time as ordering food from a restaurant. Can you imagine getting martinis delivered to you along with your order of Chinese food? That would be spectacular! Unfortunately, this market doesn’t exist, as local liquor laws simply don’t allow this sort of sale.

Metropolitan Martini may simply be a product ahead of its time without a clear market and, I think, likely doomed for failure.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 30th, 2007 at 1:10 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.