Days That End in Y

General drunkenness, attempting to clear my apartment of old crap on eBay, and getting a Wii all contributed to a week of little blogging. In the meantime, though, I did compile a large collection of interesting links.

• Largest Champagne Fountain: Seriously, whoa! I don’t think I’d ever climb that ladder. The likely outcome would be my ending up in a hospital with thousands of glass shards stuck in me.
• Liquor Bottles Made of Squid Skins: Um, ew? These Ika Tokkuri are cuttlefish dried and shaped into sake bottles. I’m sure they impart a delicate flavor of the sea.
• Booze Bra Gives Woman a Wine Rack: Forget the Wonderbra! This second base will squirt a tasty non-baby-friendly liquid.
• Beer Gets Seatbelt. Child Doesn’t.: You may be an alcoholic if…
• More SMS Help from Martini Groove: Rick has a very neat SMS service that gets you drink recipes. While I’m too cheap to text, I’m sure some of you have unlimited plans.
• The Martini Workout: It’s like danging a carrot in front of a donkey, except the carrot’s a martini glass and you’re the ass.
• BeerAdvocate to Host the East Coast’s Largest American Craft Beer Fest: Yes! Yes! Yes! Even better, it’s on my birthday! It’s a dream come true.
• Tomato Beer: The Echigo Beer Company in Japan has released Tomato Bibere. I’m intrigued, but I fear it likely just tastes nasty. If I really want tomato beer, I’ll just squirt some ketchup into a Bud Light.
• The 2008 Topps Drinking Game: I never really got into collecting baseball cards as a kid, though this may have helped.
• Diageo in $900m Dutch Deal: A behemoth grows bigger with the purchase of a 50% stake in Ketel One.
• Beer Used to Thwart Robbery: The next time someone tries to rob you, just swing a six-pack of beer at his head.
• Bukowski Tavern’s Annual ‘Pint and Pen’ Contest: Win $2500! I recall last year’s entries were rather sexual in nature, so insert some raunchy stuff if you want to win.

Anyway, that’s it for this week. In the meantime, if you’re in Boston, consider heading to the Wine Expo this weekend. Tickets should still be available. Yours truly will be there tomorrow.

If you want a chance to win Super Bowl tickets, then you can go submit a video at the Coors Light Super Bowl XLII Who Wants It More 2008 contest. However, just check out paragraph three of the official rules:

3. CONDITIONS OF ENTRY. Submitted video(s) must be the original creation(s) of the entrant and must mention Coors Light or Coors The Banquet beer. Obscene, offensive, disparaging, dangerous, defamatory, libelous, graphic, inapplicable, or sexually inappropriate videos, including, without limitation, those depicting violence, nudity, profanity, or illegal or sexually explicit activity or consumption of alcohol beverages, as determined at the sole and absolute discretion of the judges and Sponsor Entities, will not be considered. Videos may not use or reference NFL coaches, owners, players, past or current teams, famous people, or celebrities. Submitted video must be no shorter than 15 seconds and no longer than 120 seconds (two minutes) in length. Submitted video must be in .mov, .avi, or mpeg format; may not exceed a file size of 100 MB; and may not include any music. Any entry containing music will be disqualified. All persons appearing in submitted video must be at least 21 years of age at the time that video was filmed. The submitted video may not employ politics or political themes or consumption of alcohol beverages while driving; should not depict situations where beer is being consumed rapidly, excessively, involuntarily, as part of a drinking game, or as a result of dare; should not portray persons lacking control over their behavior, movement, or speech as a result of consuming beer; should not depict Santa Claus; should not employ religious themes; should not disparage competing beers; and should not depict gambling or betting on NFL games. By submitting an entry or accepting any prize, each entrant understands and agrees that his/her entry, including, without limitation, the video, may be posted online and further represents and warrants that his/her entry, in whole and in part: (i) is his/her original creation and has not been copied from any other work; (ii) does not violate or infringe any copyright, trademark, or other proprietary right of any person or entity; and (iii) is his/her sole and exclusive property. Each entrant further represents and warrants that he/she has obtained any third-party licenses, releases or other permissions that may be necessary with respect to any people or third-party property of any kind that are depicted in the entry. Sponsor reserves the right, in their sole and unfettered discretion, to disqualify at any time during the contest any video based on the belief that such film contains any materials that may infringe on the rights of any third parties. All entries submitted and all rights, titles, and interest thereto, including copyrights and derivative works and concepts or ideas depicted therein, become the sole property of Sponsor, may be used by Sponsor for any purpose and in any media whatsoever (without further compensation or review), and will not be returned. Sponsor reserves the right to crop, alter, modify, or distort any entry in whole or in part. Sponsor reserves the right to disqualify any entry that does not meet the requirements herein outlined at any time.

In case your eyes glazed over while reading that, here are some highlights:

1. You may not depict Santa Claus.
2. You may not employ politics or political themes or consumption of alcohol beverages while driving
3. You may not depict the consumption of alcohol beverages, particularly you should not depict situations where beer is being consumed rapidly, excessively, involuntarily, as part of a drinking game, or as a result of dare.
4. You may not use or reference NFL coaches, owners, players, past or current teams, famous people, or celebrities.

Seriously, what the fuck is left? You can attribute this one to the seriously convoluted American legal system and our own twisted mores. I never would’ve noticed this without this Times article.

In this totally bizarre story, an attempted armed robbery was foiled when the victims invited the would-be robber to have some wine.

After the robber walked into a house in DC and pointed a gun at a 14-year-old girl’s head, the dinner guests reportedly offered him a glass of Chateau Malescot St-Exupery. The robber consented and said, “Damn, that’s good wine.” He then had more wine, ate a little Camembert cheese, and put away the gun. Then, he asked for a hug and left.

Note to self: buy a bottle of life-saving Chateau Malescot St-Exupery, any vintage.

Office Lackey: “Dude, I was so crunk last night.”

Office Peon: “‘Crunk’ isn’t a word, dumbass.”

Office Lackey: “Oh, yes, it is. Look here.”

Office Peon: “Fine. Well, you’re still using it incorrectly since it still doesn’t mean crazy and drunk according to Merriam-Webster.”

Office Lackey: “Hey, it says it’s a ‘word of fluctuating meaning’, so I’m right. I was crazy and drunk, hence I was crunk.”

Boss: “Both of you shutup and get back to work!”

Via Wired